Honesty

Recently I took T and Lu to the store with me to do some grocery shopping.

It was late and I was tired.

So were they.  We'd had a long day of football.  Getting everyone and everything here, there and everywhere makes for short tempers and cranky kiddos.

Thankfully there were pumpkins on sale out front.

After looking at their pleading faces I told them to pick their favorites and one for J.  They looked, rolled, touched, decided and re-decided until they found 3 very perfect pumpkins.  Those pumpkins brightened the mood considerably!

We loaded them in the cart and did the rest of our shopping. When I got to the check out, rather than hefting them up on the belt, I reminded him we had them so he could charge me.

He forgot.

After I paid and we got out to car to load everything into the trunk, I had the notion to look over the receipt.

I hadn't been charged.

T finished loading and looked at me for the keys to open the doors.

I took both their hands and we walked back inside, with me explaining that I had to pay for the pumpkins because I hadn't been charged for them.

The Customer Service associate smiled and thanked me for coming back in.

The same sort of thing has happened a few times before and I've made a big deal of talking about honesty. I want my kids to know the importance of being honest in big things and in little things.  I've used those times as teaching moments.

This time I didn't make a big deal of it.

I just did it.

The coolest thing is they didn't make a big deal of it either.

They didn't fight.  They didn't argue or whine.  They didn't even question me.

It wasn't a huge decision that we pondered the moral implications over. We just went back to pay because that's what we do.  I was proud of my kids for being on board.

Butter

On any given day, if I try hard enough, I can think of a lot to be grateful for.

Sunday, it was butter.

I needed a cube in the morning and the thought crossed my mind to just keep the rest of the box out.  I usually make cookies, but I had planned on making a cake, so I thought it was weird I would think that. I just went with it left it out.

When I was young my mother told me a story about a friend of hers who had died.  She said she had this feeling more than once to go see this friend, to call her or do something.  She didn't.  She procrastinated. Then it was too late, the friend died and my mom was left with regret.  She told me to make sure I listen to those promptings, to do something about it and not wait.  She also told me to make sure I tell the people I love that I love them so they will know, and when they are gone I will know I told them.

I'm not perfect at it, but I've tried to remember that advice and it's become more of a 'listen to the prompting when you get it' mantra.

After Sunday dinner, Hub said one of the older men in our ward had broken some ribs and was really hurting. He said he thought maybe some of my chocolate chip cookies might cheer him up.

I make pretty darn good chocolate chip cookies.

I remembered back to the morning and realized how nice it was to have soft butter ready to go.

We made and delivered the cookies and then T talked to him on the phone when he called to say thank you (through gritted teeth as he ate and talked and breathed through his pain.)

It was no big thing, really, but I was really glad I had the thought, so we could get on to doing something nice for someone else.

Being a Peacemaker

In church a few weeks ago, I was asked to give the lesson in Relief Society (women's group).  I'm not a fan of speaking in front of groups. Honestly, who is?  I mean, seriously.  I envy those who do it well because I don't.  Things sound so much better when I'm talking to myself in the shower.  

I took it for an opportunity to learn something and this challenge did not disappoint.

I chose to speak on attitude.  Our group of women ranges from young mothers with kidlets crawling all over them to women advanced in age enough to cough dust (bless their hearts.)  It usually a room full of really amazing women.  I used a few good resources, like this post here called Drops of Awesome.  I also used a story from a friend of mine that goes thusly...

Attitude There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror   And noticed she had only three hairs on her head.   'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.' So she did and she had a wonderful day.  The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror And saw that she had only two hairs on her head. 'H-M-M,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.' So she did and she had a grand day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed That she had only one hair on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.'  So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
And noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

'Hooray!' she exclaimed. 

'I don't have to fix my hair today!'

Attitude is everything.

Love it.

I also talked about the Beattidues as discussed in the Bible, Matthew chapter 5.  As I read and studied different points I wanted to make, I realized what a gift they are as a guideline of how we should be.  Of how our attitudes should be.  BE humble, BE nice, BE meek, etc.  

Then I came to Peacemaker.

For my whole life and then some I've thought a peacemaker just didn't fight.  One that would take the high road and just turn away to avoid angst.  I was always a little conflicted regarding it. I'm not a bully.  It's not in my nature.  I don't holler louder than you to get my way.  When confronted with conflict I typically comply, shrink, and immediately find something to clean.  I hate feeling like I'm being used.  I don't want to make it sound like I never stand up for myself because I do.  And I yell at my kids plenty.  With friends growing up, I usually did what they wanted, ate where they wanted, saw the movies they wanted.  Partly because at that time I didn't necessarily have an opinion of my own.  Partly because I didn't really care, I just wanted to be out of the house having fun.  Partly because I wasn't confident enough to stand my ground. I did have a moral compass and conscience though, and I didn't follow them blindly.  

We'll just say I was easy going.

The problem was that I got taken advantage of.  A lot.  I had a friend that was manipulative and needy.  Thought I could fix her.  Couldn't.  And that's a story for another day.

So back to peacemaker.  I realized studying this time around that there's nothing noble in letting anyone treat you badly.

A peacemaker is one who strives for, and creates peace for those around her.

Well, duh.

That makes so much more sense!  I AM a peacemaker, through and through.  

Oh, the implications.

At home I don't like conflict.  I don't like habitual crankiness, unkind words, harshness, etc.  So instead of reacting and grabbing the nearest rag to wipe something down, I should act and chart a course that will help us all ultimately be more happy.  I know I have a huge affect on the mood in our house.  I feel the existing mood when I walk through the door, and I have to remember to act - not react.  I also believe we all have a right to be in a bad mood from time to time but it should be the exception, not the norm.  We're here to help each other out.  

Is that hard to balance?  Youbetcha.  Is it worth giving a shot?  Absolutely.

We have a long way to go, but we already do things that help us create peace.  

We pray.  As a family, before meals, etc.  For ourselves and for each other.  It's not always lovely, but it's real.

We do a lot of stuff together.  We watch TV and movies together and monitor Netflix and the computer (much to their chagrin sometimes.)  The kids know what the rules are.  And in the doing of the stuff we do together we try to have fun and laugh.  A lot.

Just to name a few.

Being a peacemaker doesn't mean you become a door mat.  It means you actively seek the spirit and share the peace it brings with others.

Tender Mercy

This might be a pretty cheesy post, that I'll probably delete tomorrow.

It's no secret that I struggle with depression and anxiety from time to time.  My mother struggles much more than I do with depression.  My Grandmother struggled deeply with anxiety.  To these two women that I love, I'd like so say, "Thanks for passing on the freak gene."

There are mornings when I can feeeel that something is a little off.  This morning was one of those.  I don't want to be sad.  I'm a pretty happy person and I do my best to look at life realistically and optimistically.  Sometimes I fall so short of the mark.  I forget I'm not alone, or I feel angry or I feel unworthy of anything good.

This morning, being a morning that I felt a bit emotional and a bit anxious, I prayed on the way to work.  I prayed that I could get through the day without having any melt downs.  And because I hate, hate, hate it immensely, without crying.  I sat up straight, squared my chin and decided to face my day head on.  I'd make it be a good one despite the list of things I feel justified about being stressed over.

I had my radio on, as I always do, and a song with a good message came on followed by another that is a favorite of mine.  The thought came to me that it wasn't random for them to be playing right then.

As I pulled into the parking lot a very good friend of mine called.  In her first words she asked me how I was doing.  My resolve crumbled a bit and I told her I was feeling a little off and a little weepy.  She told me she felt the need this morning to call me and tell me how awesome I am and how much she loves me.   How grateful she is for our friendship.  Everything she said, I could have easily been saying about her.  I'm incredibly grateful she listened to that prompting.

Then I told her she sucked, because I was crying.

I see it as a tender mercy from God.  He understands me, knows all about me, and cares anyway.  He sees me as I can become, not just as I am.  My day may not be the best ever and I still have that list of things to be justifiably stressed over but I'll get there.

And I am not alone.