Tender Mercy

This might be a pretty cheesy post, that I'll probably delete tomorrow.

It's no secret that I struggle with depression and anxiety from time to time.  My mother struggles much more than I do with depression.  My Grandmother struggled deeply with anxiety.  To these two women that I love, I'd like so say, "Thanks for passing on the freak gene."

There are mornings when I can feeeel that something is a little off.  This morning was one of those.  I don't want to be sad.  I'm a pretty happy person and I do my best to look at life realistically and optimistically.  Sometimes I fall so short of the mark.  I forget I'm not alone, or I feel angry or I feel unworthy of anything good.

This morning, being a morning that I felt a bit emotional and a bit anxious, I prayed on the way to work.  I prayed that I could get through the day without having any melt downs.  And because I hate, hate, hate it immensely, without crying.  I sat up straight, squared my chin and decided to face my day head on.  I'd make it be a good one despite the list of things I feel justified about being stressed over.

I had my radio on, as I always do, and a song with a good message came on followed by another that is a favorite of mine.  The thought came to me that it wasn't random for them to be playing right then.

As I pulled into the parking lot a very good friend of mine called.  In her first words she asked me how I was doing.  My resolve crumbled a bit and I told her I was feeling a little off and a little weepy.  She told me she felt the need this morning to call me and tell me how awesome I am and how much she loves me.   How grateful she is for our friendship.  Everything she said, I could have easily been saying about her.  I'm incredibly grateful she listened to that prompting.

Then I told her she sucked, because I was crying.

I see it as a tender mercy from God.  He understands me, knows all about me, and cares anyway.  He sees me as I can become, not just as I am.  My day may not be the best ever and I still have that list of things to be justifiably stressed over but I'll get there.

And I am not alone.