Priority #1

Yesterday I took my own advice and made a list of who/what I am.

My #1 is me.

I.

Sometimes I forget myself.  I guess I try to, thinking I'm being noble in a selfless sort of way. But that's not really what this is about.  

This is hard.

Hard to describe because I never really meant to lose track of myself.

But I have.

Where did I go?  And I wonder how did I go from there...to here?

'There' being the me I view as the 'used to be' me.  The one who had will power.  The one who laughed.  A lot.  The one who had dreams and interests.  The optimistic me who thought hard work could conquer all.

Life.

Life is what happened.  

I would be really, really ungrateful to say it's all been bad stuff.  It hasn't.  Truth is, I wouldn't go back to the old me. No way.  

What I want is to be the best me. I can't let myself get stuck in focusing on what I don't have.  I need to focus on what I do.  The future is a blank page (almost) and I get to decide what to fill it up with.  

I have some really cool talents.  I do.  

I know some really key things too.  Like I know I am a daughter of God.  That He is real.  That He hears my prayers, and then when He seems far away, it's most likely me that has moved.  I know I'm here on this earth at this time to learn, and grow, and live a full life.

Yes, I'm a wife and a mother, and I am so blessed, but the me tank is dangerously low.  I need to take care of me better.

No matter how much I feel alone sometimes, I'm just not.

I can think of 3 things that I can do that should be easy, but experience tells me will prove hard to keep up.

Prayer is one.  I've always been told to 'carry a prayer in your heart'.  I really try to.  But by the end of the day I'm spent and I hit the sheets without saying thank you.  I can do better at that.

Scripture study is another.  Just one chapter a day would do me wonders.  Just one.  I ought to be able to fit that in.  

Moving.  A walk, a something.  I really need to move.  That one will be hard.  Mornings aren't my best. Evenings get busy.  How do I fit it in when I want family time and it seems that will take me away more.

I hope at some point this year I can look back and say, 'See?  This is where I started and look where I am now.'

:)